There is no sex in this story. This was written for one person. I never forgot us. I remember the smell. That scent. The one that brings back the lingering memories of our time together. The smell of your cologne mixed with a mixture of salt from sweat and the ocean. The mint on your breath with the sharp bite of alcohol.
Burning wood and the faint whiff of the food vendors wafting from the boardwalk. Tasting your skin, that tangy, bitter, salty mix, was amazing. Your tongue tasted of teen lust. The taste of your lips made me dream of forever. I miss the feel. The feel of your hands in my hair. The touch of your lips on my lips.on my skin. Your arms holding me tight with a strength that felt more internal than external.
It may have been all in my mind but it really felt like you loved me from the beginning. The heat and slight tickle of your breath on my neck as you whisper childish fantasies of forever in my ear. I see your hand in mine as we walk in light of the boardwalk with the sand between our toes. I see the stars glinting in the sky and the dark waves crashing onto to sand in a spray of white.
I see your smile. The smile that lights up my world. Those eyes, that could see into my soul, with a mischievous glint. The way my heart skipped a beat when I saw you. The sweaty palms. That first kiss. Talking to you on the phone until four in the morning. You sneaking in my window and waking up in your arms. The warmth of your touch spoke of trust.
Love.Lust.whatever it was, we were perfect. I never forgot us. <3 His hatred. Her jealousy. Your anger and pain. The confusion. My broken heart. The tears I cried into my pillow when all I heard was "its over" and "I told you so". The days, weeks, months I spent waiting for you to say those magic words to make the pain go away. Just a waste of time. His hatred divided us but his love helped me put the pieces of my heart back together.
And still I never forgot us.
I moved 400 miles away. And I still never forgot us.
Then I hear your voice, calling my name. I turn to see you running towards me. I stand frozen, unable to believe what I see. Memories flash thru my mind like a photograph slide show. Yet again, I taste your lips and relax in your arms. All the anger and frustration melted away. You always made me forget why i was mad.
It almost seems like we were never apart. Everything seems perfect again. Holding hands, making plans, knowing that you were my forever. Long walks in the cold winter air and kissing you at midnight to celebrate the new year, our new beginning. Then the call came. "Report back to base in 3 days." The worst day of my life up to that point.
I had just got you back and you were leaving me again. I know you had to leave and couldn't tell me where you were going. Operation Security prevented it. I was there when you were dropped off for your deployment. I was the last to hug you and hold you close. The rough texture of the uniform dried my tears.
The last kiss we shared was broken by a sharp command from a rude military officer. Then, I hear the words I had been dying to hear. "I love you." Your eyes tell me its the truth.
Or maybe its just wishful thinking. It doesn't matter either way. "I love you, too." Emails and letters were not enough. I missed you too much. Still, I wrote you you everyday.
Then there was nothing. No letters.
No emails. No phone calls. Just nothing. The knock on the door at 5 am. I was annoyed.
Seeing you standing there was too good to be true. You took me in your arms and my anger with you suddenly faded. No words. Just feeling. Physical and emotional.
The sheer bliss was indescribable. Our lust and loneliness exploded in a fiery passion. It was like we were never apart. We laughed and lived and loved. Even for that short time, I never felt more alive. 3days together. And you were gone again. Just a note left on my pillow. "Sorry I have to leave. I didn't want to wake you. You know I'm bad with goodbyes. I love you angel." Emails, letters, phone calls only went on for so long. Then the nothingness returned.
That empty hole you left in my heart still bleeds when I think of you. He numbed the pain. He promised me forever. And with a ring on my finger I gave him forever. Our children are proof of my heart wanting to move on, but I can't.
I still never forgot us. At night after the kids are in bed, I look at the stars and I remember the smell. I remember you. I remember us. For your love, I changed my life.
For my love, you did nothing. My heart will not and can not love another, no matter how little you deserve it. You left and never called or wrote. You forgot us. You forgot me and all the memories that were ours. I will NEVER forget us, even if you did. When I dream of one day seeing you again, I'm numb to your charm.
I feel happy to see an old friend but that's it. Then I wake up. And I feel it. The bleeding hole you left, not only in my heart but in my soul. The hole that nothing and no one can fill.